The Pain Doesn’t Get the Credit

We say things like, “That experience made me stronger,” but lately, I've been wondering if we give the experience a little too much credit. The pain didn't make you stronger; you did.

That hard season of your life can turn into a lesson, purpose, or redirection, but it’s all in your mindset to truly heal, take what you need, and leave the rest. You are the one who has to do the work after those painful moments because, yeah, you encountered a painful experience, but everything after that situation has to come from you.

You have to choose to get back up, rebuild, reflect, change your standards, set boundaries, go to therapy—the list goes on—but do what you must to grow and learn, and don’t stay in the victim mentality. There are experiences that you can appreciate yourself for surviving without appreciating the fact that you had to survive them.

Growth doesn’t make what happened okay. Becoming better on the flip side doesn't mean you have to pretend that hard lesson in life was a good one. I know we like to perform like we are okay and that that situation didn't hurt us. Don't fake the funk. Nowadays, we want to use toxic positivity, emotional suppression, and invalidation to dismiss the genuine emotions we feel.

After all the pain, you’ll see the sun come out again… well, if you give yourself credit for the qualities you’ve developed. That heartbreak didn’t teach you boundaries. You decided you deserved to have them. The rejection didn’t create your confidence—you rebuilt it. Betrayal didn’t create discernment—you learned to trust yourself.

Taking your power back isn’t some huge transformational moment. It’s deciding that the thing that once controlled your decisions doesn’t anymore.

So no, the pain doesn’t get the credit. You do.

I had to decide that what happened to me wasn’t going to decide what happened next.